Happy New Year! As we move into 2026, most of us feel the pull of big goals, fresh starts, and the urge to be new right now. But real change? It’s rarely dramatic. It’s gentle. It’s consistent.
That’s where the poem “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” by Portia Nelson comes in. It maps change beautifully, and here's a summary of it below:
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Chapter I: You fall into a hole and feel helpless.
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Chapter II: You pretend the same hole isn’t there and fall in again.
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Chapter III: You see it but still fall in. You wake up, realize it's your fault you are there… you get out.
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Chapter IV: You walk around the hole.
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Chapter V: You walk down a different street.
Where are you today?
If you've identified a habit you'd like to change, the congrats! You're already in chapter III. And even if you make it to chapter IV, it's okay if you accidentally fall in the hole again. Wherever you are, this poem meets you with honesty and kindness.
🧠 Why Self-Compassion Matters in Small Shifts
Shauna Shapiro’s research shows us that shame isn’t a motivator for change. It actually shuts down the brain’s learning centers and keeps us stuck. Instead of growth, we get frozen. Instead of possibilities, we get stuck in old loops.
True change grows from kind attention. Shapiro points out that mindfulness is built on intention, attention, and attitude (more on that in my course). That attitude? It’s often self-compassion. It’s the difference between:
“I’m so lazy. Why can’t I stick to this?”
versus
“I’m trying something new. This is tough. I can keep going slowly.”
When you treat yourself like a friend, refraining from punishing or shaming yourself, you actually unlock the part of your brain that makes new behaviors possible. Kindness thickens healthy neural pathways, opens doors for growth, and gives you room to try again.
💡 A Resolution Framework with Compassion
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Choose one behavior shift this year. Rather than expecting yourself to magically transform into a new you, frame the journey in bite-sized pieces. Be okay with being just 1% closer to your goal on average each day.
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Notice where you are in the poem (I‑V). Are you still falling? Getting out faster? Navigating around? Remember that we all backslide here and there. It's not only okay, but expected.
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Speak to yourself with kindness. When things don’t go to plan, pause, breathe, and imagine what you’d say to a dear friend.
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Keep experimenting. Remember: you’re not failing. You’re learning. You’re not broken. You’re re-shaping your path.
Self-compassion doesn’t only make change softer. It makes it smarter, more sustainable, and more human.
With deep respect for your journey,
If something here resonated, let’s chat. A free call is the best way to see what kind of support fits you right now. No pressure, no sales pitch, just a moment to share your story.
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